I’ve had a week of nostalgia. I heard a song on the radio and started thinking aboutmy friends I grew up with. I heard anther, and it brought back fond memories of my Grandmother singing in a hot, old suburban towing a camper on our way to Laurel Hill State Park. I visited my Great Aunt Dutchie one last time before her funeral and lots of memories came back–fishing with my cousin Steve, cleaning fish with my cousin Jon, laughing with Dutchie. I even thought a lot about my FIRST DATE with my wife–which was almost 20 years ago.
But not all of my memories this week were necessarily “pleasant.” For some reason I started thinking about Fat Brad. I’m not sure if it was hearing Jimmy Moore, on his Living La Vida Low Carb podcast, talking about loosing 180 pounds and still being obese in his min; or, when I told a friend on a weight loss journey that “when all else fails, remember,” but something sparked my memory banks into the fat days. And some people may be surprised, they were kind of dark for me on the inside.
When I was a kid, I always wanted to play baseball in the summer, football in the fall, and wrestle in the winter. But I was the fat kid–at least that’s how I saw myself. When I wanted to join a team I was asked if I could run? Would I be able to take laps around the field? I wondered if I would hold the team back because I was slow, couldn’t swing a bat, or if the kids would make fun of me. Once, I joined the junior high wrestling team–for about 2 weeks. I was so excited to be on the team, but I gave up after a few practices because “I had Achilles tendonitis”–read this as I had an excuse.
When it came to health, hobbies, and general interests, I developed a pretty good track record as a quitter– someone who gave up when things got hard. I lost a bunch of weight on low carb once, then gained it all back when I went back to school for my master’s degree–it was too hard to go to school AND eat right. I have wood working equipment that I can do basics on; but, when I started to advance beyond the easy stuff, it was time to move on. Guitars, bass guitars, shooting bows, shooting trap, eating low-fat, eating low carb, it didn’t matter–I was a quitter.
I remember sitting in a restaurant with friends and ordering a medium pizza for myself. One of my friends asked if I was concerned about my health–this is AFTER I lost 70 pounds on low carb and gained it all back. My reply was heart-felt and truthful. I said, “No, I’m fat, I know I’m fat, I’ll always be fat. I only have one life and I’m going to enjoy it. If I die from a heart attack at 40, oh well! At least everyone will know I lived to my fullest.” Again, I quit. I believed I was fat for a reason and I thought, “screw it. I’ll eat what I want.” This led to breakfasts of 4 to 8 Little Debbie snack cakes, lunches of super sized portions at fast food restaurants, and a fast food or sweet snack later in the day. I was a wreck. I quit. I just gave up on myself.
When I had my A HA moment when the doctor’s scale wouldn’t weigh me, I thought I would give life a go again. I hit the low-fat diet with gusto and lost a bunch of weight in the first 9 months. I went from 398 (that’s the first time I’m revealing that number. I always said 378 because I was way ashamed being so close to 400) to 262 in a year and 9 months. I stuck with the low-fat diet and eventually started gaining some back. I ran even more, cut more fat grams, ate fewer calories, and still gained. Eventually I hit 288 again. Then I was diagnosed with Celiac, found low carb paleo (another post some day) and never looked back.
This weight loss journey has actually stuck! All of a sudden, my life as a quitter ended. I’m a nutrition freak; I don’t believe in “cheating;” I’m an exercise junkie; and I actually care about my health and how I look. No more buying my clothes in JC Penny’s big and tall section. No more size 56 pants and 4 or 5 XL shirts. Nope. I’m not a quitter anymore. I refuse to give up. I refuse to give in.
When life tempts me think back to my roots as a quitter, I remember; then keep going. Mike Ditka once said, “you are not a loser until you quit trying.” I’ll never quit trying this time. I am a winner. I will continue to succeed! My giving up on myself days are over.
Be alive!

